1. Faux Apology
“I’m sorry if you were offended” is not an apology. The phrase blames the victim. It redoubles the offense by accusing the victim of being over-sensitive. Formulations of the faux apology are common in politics: “The president regrets any hurt feelings his statements have caused.”
2. Intention Apology
“I want to apologize” may sound like an apology, but is no more about actually apologizing than “I want to lose weight” is about actually losing weight.
3. Indirect Apology
“On behalf of ______, let me apologize.” This is cowardly and lazy. It satisfies no one. If you’re going to apologize, do so on behalf of the only person talking . . . you.
4. The Passive Voice Apology
I'm sorry I hit you” is an apology. “I'm sorry you were hit” is not. Again, politicians are masters of this formulation: “There should not have been any physical contact in this incident. I am sorry that this misunderstanding happened at all, and I regret its escalation and I apologize.”
5. Lame Excuse Apology
Making lame excuses is self-serving. No one cares about your problems or your excuses, least of all the person you are apologizing to. This is not about you.
6. Passing-the-Buck Apology
Blaming someone else is the lowest form of excuse-making. Either you accept responsibility, or you don’t.
7. Citing Company Policy Apology
“Sorry, it’s company policy” is a total cop-out. Company policy is made for companies, not customers. The policy is your problem. Don’t make it the victim’s.
8. The “Sorry about that” Apology
That kind of informality really conveys an attitude of “Oops, that’s too bad, dude! Do I look like I care?” The phrase, “Sorry about that” diminishes both the victim and the apologist.