Lessons in Leadership

Denis Waitley, one of the great motivational speakers, on teamwork and values. He's funny and thoughtful. I sometimes detect a cynical veneer among many motivational speakers, as if they really don't believe what they are saying. Denis gave me a different feeling. We spoke at a conference he addressed in Chicago.

One on One with Dr. Denis Waitley
Published October, 1992

"The only thing that you can change is your next thought and your next action."

Dr. Denis Waitley nervously surveyed the Senate Dining Room. The author and narrator of "The Psychology of Winning," the all-time best selling audiocassette album on personal and professional development, had been invited to address the already-seated Senators. Having arrived a little late, Waitley stood in the back of the room searching for someone to introduce him. He felt a little lost and intimidated. Then he noticed that Senator Edward Kennedy was beckoning him to come to his table. He swelled with pride at being recognized by the senior senator from Massachusetts. He swaggered down to the senator's table and in his best power voice said, "Hello, Senator. How's it going?" Without looking up, Senator Kennedy held up a plate. "We need some more butter here."

Over 900 information systems people packing the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Chicago burst out in laughter. We had assembled to listen to Dr. Waitley's program on "Lessons in Leadership". Now we considered Waitley's point: there's no shame in being mistaken for a waiter. Wouldn't we be better off if we all conducted ourselves as servers, asking everyone we came into contact with, "how may I serve you?" and "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Dr. Waitley is one of the most respected speakers addressing issues such as quality, teamwork, and leadership. His provocative presentation challenged everyone to question the concept of No Limits: the assumptions that guide our approximations of what achievements are safely beyond our abilities. His latest book is Timing is Everything, Oliver-Nelson Books, Nashville, TN.

In addition to being one of the most sought-after speakers in the world, Waitley has counseled leaders in every field--from Fortune 500 corporate executives and Apollo astronauts to Super Bowl champions and Olympic athletes. Waitley grew up in San Diego (where he still lives). He is a graduate of the Naval Academy, a former Navy pilot, and holds a Ph.D. in human behavior. We started by defining the role of the leader in business.

What is the main function of the leader?

A leader accepts the responsibility for passing values on and making choices for the team.

Why are teams so special?

Back up for a minute and think of those times in your life when you felt the most needed, the most wanted, and the most motivated. More than likely, you were part of a team. Whether it was an athletic team, a work unit, or a social club--you were in a group whose members depended on one another and compensated for each other's limitations. There was only one goal, and it was larger and more important than your own.

Is there a reliable way to recapture that spirit?

The spirit is immediately available to everyone if we accept responsibility for the choices we make. The same exhilaration and fulfillment will flow when each individual makes a commitment within himself or herself to buy into the idea that the "buck stops with me. I am America; I am the deficit; I am industry; I am my elected official; I am my government; I am my company; and I am my own social security." With this attitude, each of us is a fully invested team player who wastes no time fixing the blame on others.

What can a leader truly hope to change?

The only thing that you can change is your next thought and your next action. I live by the Serenity Prayer [Grant me the serenity to accept the things I know I cannot change; To change the things I believe I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.] I've changed it slightly to: Change the changeable; Accept the unchangeable; and Remove yourself from the unacceptable.

What is unchangeable?

Everything that has ever happened to you. Whatever your parents did; whatever happened when you were fired; whatever happened in the accident. It's all history. You may want to get to know it; you may want to be comfortable with it; but don't live back there, attempting to change history. It can't be done.

I'm curious about the source of these values. Can you remember when you started internalizing the values you are espousing now?

I recall two major events. They both happened when I was nine. This was right before the beginning of World War II. My grandmother and I planted a victory garden with a number of vegetables and fruit trees. She told me that, with the proper cultivation and weeding, whatever was pictured in the seed package would come up. She said, "You'll always get out of the soil what you plant in it. If you plant weeds, you'll get weeds." That stuck with me, although I didn't know quite what it meant at the time.

What's the second event?

It happened the same year. Because of World War II, we had a gun emplacement near our home in San Diego. The soldiers would give the kids canteens and helmets and stuff to befriend us in the hope that our parents would invite them for a home-cooked meal. One day, a soldier promised me he would take me fishing. I think he had good intentions. I remember that he made me a promise that I took as a commitment. I remember fixing my tackle box and my fishing pole and my peanut butter sandwiches and sitting on the curb at 4:00 in the morning waiting for him to show up. He never came. I thought about going back to bed. I could have complained to my grandmother. Instead, it was at that point in my life, sitting on the curb with the lunch pail and tackle box, waiting to be taken fishing, that I decided to go anyway.

What did you do?

I rode my bike down to the beach, traded it in for a rubber life raft at a swap meet, caught some bait, and paddled out to the middle of the San Diego Bay. It was the first time I was ever in a boat. I caught some fish. Ate my sandwiches. Had a great time. I remember lying there in the rubber life raft thinking, "You know, if the fish are biting, and you want to go fishing, don't wait for other people to take you."

You talk about time starvation as the number one trend in the U.S. You imply that companies such as Dominos Pizza and Federal Express are successful because they save time.Yet is it possible for people to save time?

On a personal level, you're right. It's not possible to save time. But it is possible to contemplate how you're going to save time. For example, what I do is help people prioritize their time. I advise them to be priority managers, not time managers. Firms like Federal Express are successful precisely because they give an executive an attractive priority to manage.

Many leaders appear to be unreasonable and probably are. In what ways are you unreasonable?

I'm unreasonable in that I expect more from myself than other people do. I'm unreasonably obsessed with excellence and quality. Like other leaders, I am unreasonable in wanting to give more than I take. I will always put my cards face up and tell people what I'm going to do for them. I'll give a chance for person who's a taker to take, but if they're a giver, we give together.

Let's test how unreasonable you are. What would you do in this situation: It's late, you're tired, and you go to your hotel. How would you handle a hotel clerk who says, "Sorry, we sold your room and we're packed solid. All you have to do is take a bus to another hotel"?

In the old days, I'd get angry, reach over, and grab the clerk, shouting, "Why, you so-and-so, I've been traveling all day. Give me the Presidential Suite!" I don't do that anymore. I don't get angry. Instead, I might say, "You can make up a rollaway bed in a meeting room." Or "What time do you get off? Maybe I can go home with you?" Or "I'm thinking of going to the middle of lobby and get ready for bed. But don't worry, I won't bother anybody. I'll just get undressed and lay down. Naked."

He'll say, "Sir, you do it and we'll have to give you an escort to the airport."

I would say, "Don't get upset.". I didn't say I'd do it. I said I'd think about it while you're in the process of getting me a room. I know that service is important to you." You can get results without getting angry.

Sometimes I get frustrated by all of the screening that takes place when I try to telephone people. Can you offer some advice for helping get executives on the phone?

When you call someone, always give your name. When I used to make phone calls, I'd say, "Hello, you don't know me, may I talk to Mr. Important, please." Now it's, "Good morning, this is Denis Waitley calling. May I speak to Mr. Important?" Always offer your name as if you actually liked it. Before I hang up, I always ask for the name of the person I'm speaking to. That way, I have at least established that person as my communication point for the next contact.

Leaders who tell the truth are often attacked. Why is truth so threatening?

Truth makes us unhook our prejudices. It's very difficult to stay as we were when our beliefs are challenged. It threatens our self-esteem. People tend to cling to belief rather than truth because, though truth will set you free, first it will make you crazy.

You are in constant demand as a keynote speaker at corporate functions. Business Week says U.S. companies have spent $13.9 billion in the last five years on outside advice. As part of the training and consulting community, do you believe Corporate America is getting its money's worth?

Not yet. They're using the outside advice simply as window dressing. Too many organizations are paying lip service to the ideas these consultants offer instead of incorporating the ideas. Most companies are not getting their money's worth because they're afraid to jump into the change.

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